


The Woes Of War, Weddings and Widowers

by esama



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Character Bashing, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-03
Updated: 2014-01-03
Packaged: 2018-01-07 07:41:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1117293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esama/pseuds/esama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Due to instability in his magic, Harry must magically bond with certain Death Eater.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Woes Of War, Weddings and Widowers

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on fanfiction.net on 05/03/2009  
> Proofread by Darlene and Spurio

 

Harry was fourteen when his magic turned strange. Because of his horrifying meeting with Voldemort at the end of the Tri Wizard tournament, something in him had changed, which had caused his magic to go out of control. Early magical puberty caused by the traumatic event he’d been forced to go through at such early age… Or that was the popular theory anyway, made about a year after the ordeal by 'professionals' who’d previously been 'professionally' telling him that he was a deluded, insane little boy for telling everyone that Voldemort was back.

Harry thought differently, of course. For one, he didn't regard any of the 'professionals' sent by the Ministry of Magic as professionals in any way. But that was perhaps beside the point. The point was his strange magic, which was apparently out of control because of this apparent mental trauma.

For one, there’d been no mental trauma. Seeing Voldemort in the back of Quirrell's head and then witnessing Quirrell's death when he’d just been eleven was more traumatic - as was fighting a sixty foot basilisk and almost having his soul sucked out by hordes of Dementors. And for two, his magic was not strange and it was not out of control. Being pissed, annoyed and overall out of the control of one's _emotions_ maybe caused some quirky accidental magic to happen, but it had nothing to do with his magic, not the way the 'professionals' said it had.

And he’d gotten that under control after he’d figured out the right way of practicing Occlumency, also known as meditation. It was amazing, how easily you could master a magical art when you actually _knew something about it_. Hermione's books had taught him more about Occlumency than Snape had probably ever known. But that wasn't the point, either.

No, the point was that he was fifteen, his magic was under control and in no way strange… and still the 'professionals' had come up with a brilliant idea of how to bring his magic under control. And he had, let's just say, slight problems with the method they had in mind.

"Snape? I have to marry… Snape?" Harry asked with deceptively calm voice when Dumbledore had explained the plan to him.

"You will form a magical bond with _Professor_ Snape, my boy," the old man said somewhat admonishingly. "He’s a highly trained expert when it comes to both magical and mental control. Through the bond, which can only be cut off by the death of one of the bonded, he will be able to rein in your uncontrolled magical bursts. It's for your own safety, and for the safety of those around you."

"Alright, let me check if I got this right," Harry nodded calmly. "The ministry thinks that it's best for me to marry a man who’s old enough to be my father? Not to mention the fact that we, I don't know, hate each other with the burning passion of every level of hell? And the marriage can only be absolved if one or both of us die?"

"It's a magical bond, Harry. Not marriage."

"It's the same thing, isn't it? Marriage equals a magical bond around here, so magical bond equals marriage. And if I'm bonded to Snape, I can't marry anyone else. Therefore, marriage," Harry said sternly before pausing. "That might be why I’ve been getting so many gifts lately. Marriage gifts. Huh."

" _Professor_ Snape, Harry." The headmaster rebuked.

"Am I going to have to call him Professor even when I'm married to him? In our honeymoon bed too? That would be kind of kinky, don't you think?"

"It's not a marriage," the old man said with little bit of impatience, before coughing and regaining his calm. "The ministry came up with this plan after weeks of contemplation. They had a few candidates for it, but thankfully I managed to persuade them that Professor Snape would be the right choice --"

"Wait, I had suitors and I wasn't let in on it?" Harry asked with hurt all over his face. "I was denied the right to choose my future husband? Are we living so far in the dark ages that I'm going to be just a possession with no right to choose?" he groaned. "Oh god, I'm going to be Snape's trophy wife."

"It's _not_ amarriage and you did not have suitors," Dumbledore insisted but he did look a bit uncomfortable. "Now, we’ll hold the ceremony for the bonding in the Great Hall next weekend --"

"There's even going to be a wedding ceremony and you're telling me it's not a marriage --"

"You can invite Miss Granger and Mister Weasley, but other than that I think it would be best if no one else be allowed to know," Dumbledore continued, as if Harry hadn't said anything. "It’s better that this is kept as quiet as possible."

"So now I'm secretly eloping with Snape with the Ministry's approval?" Harry sniffed. "What if I wanted a big wedding with lots of guests? I can't get married without the Weasleys there; they’re like family to me. Or without Sirius - he has to walk me down the aisle, being my godfather and all… And can I even have a say in the decorations? How about my wedding dress, where am I supposed to conjure that up from, in just three days? Or are you actually expecting me to get married in my school robes?"

"Harry, my boy, for the last time; _it's not a marriage_."

"It so is," the boy disagreed. "And it's my wedding, so it's only right that I have some say in it," he leaned back in his chair, looking thoughtful. "Best not to invite the Dursleys, they’d ruin the reception for sure. I think I should let Mrs Weasley, Hermione and Ginny handle the decorations, they're probably better at that sort of thing than I am. Hm. I wonder if Madam Malkin makes wedding dresses…"

Dumbledore sighed heavily.

 

-

 

"I still can't believe you're actually going along with this, mate," Ron muttered for the umpteenth time, while Harry examined his own reflection in a full body mirror. "I mean… seriously, you're marrying _Snape_! Why the hell did you agree to marry _Snape_?”

"I didn't agree to it. But it seems that it absolutely has to happen, so I went out of my way to make it as pleasant as possible," Harry answered, smoothing his hand over his new cream shaded robes. Dumbledore - and Snape - hadn't agreed to his wedding dress idea, but he’d managed to persuade them to accept fancy dress robes. The words _'Fine, I'll come naked to the ceremony then,'_ might've been involved, along with _'with garter of course, you can't forget the garter.'_

"But still… why would you agree to it at all?" the red head frowned. "I'm starting to think you've gone mental. You should be fighting against this all, but instead…."

"Oh, shush, Ronald. It's Harry's wedding, it's only his right to design it to suit his desires," Hermione said with a sigh, walking into the room while carrying a bouquet. "I managed to get this in time. It wasn't easy, though. They don't sell flowers as decorations in the Wizarding world, you know," she said, handing the bouquet to Harry.

"It's perfect, Hermione, thank you," Harry answered with a smile turned to the mirror to see how he looked like with the flowers. They went just perfectly with the pins that Lavender and Parvati had produced and tamed his hair with. He smiled. "Perfect."

"Indeed. You're looking very lovely," the girl nodded solemnly before glancing at the clock. "It's about the time, too. Sirius should be arriving any moment --"

Just then the door opened. Sirius, wearing very neat black dress robes, walked in. He was wearing a wide grin, against all the expectations. "Are we all ready, here?" he asked, walking forward just as proudly as any father would. "My, Harry, you are looking quite charming. Just like a proper bride should."

"Thank you, Sirius," Harry answered with a serene smile.

"And you, too. How are _you_ of all people agreeing to this?" Ron asked, pointing at Sirius. After an initial moment of shock and a private word with Harry, the man had been the marriage's greatest supporter. "Shouldn't you be against this? You know, because it's Snape? Snivellus?"

"Ron, please, that's my future husband you're talking about," the bride frowned briefly.

Sirius just grinned. "It's because I’ll do all in my power to make my godson happy, and this obviously will make him happy," the man smiled widely. Just the previous day he’d been given a hasty Veritaserum trial, where he had been found innocent. All charges against him had been cleared, and on top of that he’d been reimbursed a hundred thousand galleons for the unfairness he had suffered. So naturally, he was a bit cheerful.

"And I get to wear dress robes," the former convict added, running his hand over the rich material. "I look good in dress robes."

"Maybe you did _once_ but these days…" Ron trained away, sending a pointed look at the man's thin face and sunken eyes.

"Well, anyway," the former convict turned to his godson again. "How about we get this show on the road? Your fiancé must already be waiting for you. Along with the wedding guests…"

"Indeed. Let's go," Harry answered with a smile, and took Sirius's arm. His friends followed him, Ron with a heavy sigh and Hermione with a little smile.

The ceremony of Mr and Mr Potter-Snape, witnessed by the entire population of Hogwarts along with several ministry officials and some parents of the students, was brief but beautiful and Harry's lengthy vow brought tears to people's eyes. Of course some of them were tears of suppressed laughter, but it's the tears that count. Harry's bonded husband was rather rigid through the entire ceremony, and accepted congratulations with stiff grimaces, and the first dance of the wedding was horrible to say at least, but it was natural for the newlywed to be nervous and Harry seemed to enjoy it nonetheless.

Harry gave a brief interview to the Daily Prophet about how glad he was that his husband had made an honest man of him, and that he was certain that their marriage would be a very happy one. There were hundreds of great wedding gifts brought to the event, all of which Harry accepted with lengthy words of gratitude for the people who accepted his marriage.

The newly wed pair eventually retired to their quarters, Snape's quarters, with the well wishes and biddings of good luck from the guests. To Ron, Harry seemed disturbingly happy about the concept of a wedding night, but Sirius merely wished his godson good luck and wiped a stray tear from his eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

TRAGIC POTIONS ACCIDENT LEAVES HARRY POTTER A WIDOWER!

 

This morning a powerful explosion shook the foundations of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Severus Snape, a renowned Potions Master and the lucky husband of Harry James Potter, was the only casualty of this horrible accident, leaving his young husband, now a widower, wrecked with grief.

"He was working on an improved Wolfsbane potion," says Harry Potter-Snape from midst of his sorrowful sobbing. "He’d been working on it for quite some time now. I was of course worried, the potion has several volatile ingredients in it, but he was very determined to complete the potion and heal poor werewolves from their horrible curse…"

This event is especially tragic since it’s only been a few days since Harry Potter and Severus Snape were joined together in their marriage bond. By the looks of the grief stricken widower, it is unknown if young Harry will ever marry again.

"He had such an impact on me," the Boy Who Lived whispers sadly. "He played such an important role in my life… the things he said to me held so much meaning… No one will ever be able to fill his place in my heart…."

It’s said that due to his humble nature, Severus Snape had saved quite a fortune over the years. All of this was of course inherited by his young husband, but it seems that it offers no measure of comfort to the young widower. "All the money in the world will never replace my Sevie…."

 


End file.
